


Friday Nights Are For the Boys

by AlexBraxton



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Denial, Dib is Of Legal Age (Invader Zim), M/M, Masturbation, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Spying, Xenophilia, ZaDr, dib rubs one out and then is like aw shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 14:09:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20949617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexBraxton/pseuds/AlexBraxton
Summary: Alternate title: Dib Jerks Off: The Movie





	Friday Nights Are For the Boys

Friday nights for Dib were about as exciting as they were for any other highschool senior, which is to say hardly exciting at all. He always assumed that his last year of public school would be more eventful during his time off. Movies and media filled students heads with the thoughts of parties, impromptu road trips, nights out on the town. In reality, hardly any of his peers had the resources or time for such things- not that Dib would be invited even if they were happening.

Dib didn’t think he would fair well at a party anyway. A huge group of people he didn’t like (and vice versa), crappy music, bad weed. It sounded like a huge waste of time when he could be doing far more important things. Like hunting down a vampire den, for instance.

But Friday nights were for something special. Since his dad made Dib and Gaz help out at Membrane Labs on Saturdays, and his Sundays were spent doing his homework, Dib always made sure his schedule was clear for Friday evening.

That’s when he would watch Zim.

It had been his routine for years after sneaking multiple cameras across the base. It took long enough to get enough coverage to have most of the underground areas covered, but there were still plenty of blindspots. Luckily, the important areas Zim spent most of his time had his best cameras on the job.

He used to have way more time to watch Zim toil around in his lair, but with school wrapping up soon and college applications going out Dib was really only left with these precious hours. Nothing else mattered from 5pm forward, all his attention was in one place. As much as he wished he could leave the cameras on all the time, it was too risky. At least when they were off there was a less likely chance Zim would spot them, but this also meant that Dib had limited opportunity to actually use them.

Luckily, there wasn’t a lot to disturb his work tonight anyway. Gaz knew enough to think he was just being a weirdo and his dad assumed Dib was just playing some kind of online game. Years of experience dealing with Gaz’s gaming taught his dad not to disturb his kids when they were “in the zone”.

And boy, Dib was in the zone. Everything was perfect. He had his supply of Poop Cola ready to go in a minifridge next to his computer setup, multiple screens displaying past data as well as the live feed from Zim’s base, and music streaming in the background. Much better than any crap he would hear at some party. He actually felt happy then, like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. The ever watchful eye protecting the ignorant people from him.

The recording was set, as well as it’s backup, as Zim finally came into view. Dib leaned forward to scrutinize what he was carrying. It was some kind of tool, and Dib began wildly sketching it in the notebook in front of him. Of course most of his data was digital, and he had backups on top of backups, but there had been one or two incidents where Zim had gotten into the databanks and corrupted some important information. That’s why Dib still took the precaution of physically copying some of the data into the tons and tons of notebooks strewn about his room. Later, he would digitally scan the important things and make sure they were also copied. He always made sure to be extremely thorough.

His pencil stroke stopped midway when Zim did something unexpected. He was tugging at the bottom of that stupid pink tunic he wore all the time. 

When the sliver of green skin showed on Zim’s belly, Dib’s breath hitched in his throat. The pencil was frozen above the last line he had drawn. He didn’t dare move until he understood what Zim was doing.

Gloved hands drew it above his head, antenna bouncing slightly as he removed the strange fabric. Dib was hypnotized by the movement and the sudden reveal of Zims torso. He didn’t realize how hard he was gripping his pencil until the lead snapped. Quickly, Dib resharpened the end and went back to his notebook. He needed this for… data after all. It was the first time he had ever seen Zim without his armor and he had to look for weaknesses!

Ever so carefully, Dib began to draw Zims form on the notepad, beside the strange device he already sketched before. He was really no artist, but he had improved from his elementary school days at least. All in all, for the sake of accuracy Dib could replicate from a reference well enough. But usually he was drawing blueprints, devices, diagrams. The only times he had drawn Zim before was in fantasies of dissection or theories on how things like his Pak worked. Which was still fairly often. Okay, so maybe he could draw Zim okay enough now but it was only for his research.

And of course, that’s the reason that when he drew his shoulder blades he made sure to make them look just as delicate as they did from the video feed Dib was watching. And the way his back curved under the PAK that plugged directly into his back. That’s also why Dib couldn’t tear his eyes from the display before him, because he had to keep it accurate!

Dib couldn’t explain why his breath grew shorter when he drew the pelvic line that dipped below the black tights still covering Zims legs.

The reason for Zims sudden near nakedness became more apparent. Zim laid his tunic on the metal table before him and brought back out the strange device. Slowly it began a scan over the fabric- or whatever it was made out of. Dib wondered if he was strengthening it? It was some kind of armor after all, right? But just as quickly as Dib’s attention was drawn to the device it was ripped away again.

Zim was taking a moment to stretch. He was still wearing his gloves, but he raised his arms high above his head and puffed out his chest. The tunic-scanner was completely forgotten about now as Dib felt a shock run through him head to toe. A flush rose to his cheeks as his eyes darted across the muscles. They weren’t entirely different from a human, but there were definitely differences. The lack of nipples of course, as irkens were about as far from mammals as they came. No belly button, as Zim was grown in some sort of test tube. Dib could relate to that. Zims green skin was almost illuminated beneath the lights of his lab. Other than his face, that skin never saw the light of an Earth day. If he ever had Zim in his grasp, would he take the time to touch it? What if he felt rough like a shark? Would it feel as velvety as it looked? Something coiled in Dibs lower gut as he felt another rush of blood fill him.

Whoa whoa whoa. Why was he thinking about this? Well, it was all for research right? These were all objective questions after all. It was interesting from a pure research perspective, how something so delicate looking was really so tough. Dib was allowed to wonder these things. Besides, it’s not like anyone would know. There was no one here to watch or judge him.

That’s right. He really was alone. 

Dib let himself indulge in Zim’s form now, feeling completely in control of the situation. Continuing to sketch out the aliens slender frame, he was starting to grow giddy.

He really has no idea I’m watching him right now..

The corner of Dib’s mouth turned upward into a wicked grin. He almost felt drunk with control over the situation. The secret peeping-tom examining his enemies most vulnerable moments. The way his ribcage seemed shorter than a humans, like it was missing the bones. Probably unnecessary, given Zim functioned off his Pak and that superorgan- what was it called again? Right, the squidilly-spooch. That organ probably had plenty of protection.

Zim had turned away from the tunic to check something on his computer, three fingered hands dancing over the keyboard. Dib admired the way his spine poked out against his skin, so shockingly scrawny. From here, it looked like Dib could easily bend Zim over that console and-

WHOA.

Dib shook his head for a moment, shocked by his own thoughts. It’s not that he hadn’t wondered about whatever Zim had going on down there, but not like that. His breaths were coming in short stilted huffs. Finally torn away from the display, Dib was hit with another shock.

He had a hard on right now.

Gazing apprehensively at the offender between his legs, Dib scowled. No way. NO WAY. He did NOT have a boner for Zim right now.

Well, maybe it wasn’t about Zim! Maybe he was just excited to be doing research! He heard that happened sometimes, people getting so excited about something they just… get hard. He tried to think back to the last time something like that happened, but was quickly distracted again.

Zim was finished with whatever he was doing at the console and was adjusting the waistband of his leggings. The twitching throb between Dib’s legs told him that no, it probably wasn’t the research that was doing this to him.

Taking a shaky breath, Dib pushed his cowlick back. He couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t believe he actual felt a sheen of sweat across his forehead when he touched it. He couldn’t believe his body was actually aching to be touched.

Maybe he should just go take a shower and-

And what, cut into his Friday night? No way! He’d be damned if a fucking boner killed his evening. If this was how it was going to be, Dib was going to make the best of it. It’s not like anyone was going to interrupt him anyway. Besides, he wasn’t going to be able to think straight with this raging hard on anyway.

He could maybe just pull up some porn and take care of it really quick.

Or…

Again, it’s not like anyone would know. 

Slowly, Dib leaned back in his computer chair and pulled down the shorts enough for his friend to spring up and say hello. Dib could practically feel the heat radiating off his face. He started slowly, embarrassed by the whole situation. Even just running his fingers along the length made him shiver.

As he continued, Dib was staring Zim down. The alien was just standing there, observing whatever work the laser was doing to the pink tunic.

He doesn’t know. Dib reassured himself

He…. couldn’t know. This time it was less about reassurance, and more about control again. It felt good. Dib was already a step ahead, knowing that his armor was being enhanced, and Zim had no clue! Dib finally tightened the grip on his cock.

Stroking himself fully felt like a reward. In that moment, it felt like he relinquished all control over himself.

Who cared it Zim knew! Dib almost wanted him to find out. Maybe he had his own cameras in Dib’s room. Normally, the thought would have shot Dib out of his seat to do a floor to ceiling search for any sort of equipment, but at the moment it only made the dick in his hands twitch. The thought of Zim seeing him like this. No self control, just pumping wildly. He wondered what Zim would think of him.

He would probably call Dib filthy.

But maybe he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of Dib, the same way he couldn’t take them off Zim right now.

Maybe he would want to touch Dib too.

He imagined himself there with Zim now, underground in his base. He would brush the weird scanning device and his armor off the metal table on to the floor. He would lift Zim up by his tiny hips and put him on the edge, only to crush his mouth against the aliens. Dib had been bit by him before, but this was the first time he wanted it to happen. He gasped, thinking of how the strange teeth would feel on his mouth, on his neck, everywhere.

Dib stared at Zims pants, as if he could will the universe to make them disappear. He was desperate to know what the irken had. He didn’t even care what it ended up being, all he wanted was to know. The imperceptible barrier left his mind to wander. 

He thought of other Earth creatures, playing a game of pin the penis on the alien in his head. Maybe something prehensile? Like a dolphin…

The thought of Zim’s cock being able to wrap around his own made Dib throw his head back, unable to suppress the whimper that climbed its way out of his mouth. A dribble of precum made its way down to his fingers as they continued to pump himself.

He imagined the two of them, locking hips and grinding on the metal table. He would yank Zims tights down and free whatever he had. The fantasy flickered between two main thoughts; Dib liked the tentacle-like appendage wrapping its way around him, but he also liked the thought of  
being able to fully bury himself inside Zim. The two of them, not caring that they were on camera, lost in each other for that moment.

On the actual feed, Zim reached a gloved hand up to scratch at his cheek. He actually looked quite bored with whatever he was doing.

Meanwhile, Dib was losing it. He was slumped back in the computer chair, shorts on the floor pooled up around his feet. He was panting short quick breaths, the cowlick now flopped forward in his face. He didn’t care though, he was a little too busy to fix it. A small dribble of drool escaped his mouth unnoticed. Hand continuing to move rhythmically, Dib began bucking his hips up into the motion now fully lost in his fantasy. He imagined himself bucking into Zim, filling the slim creature. The way Zim would beg him for more, or maybe he would try to insult Dib. But that would just make him more excited, being negged by Zim only to shut him up when Dib hit just the right spot. 

God, it was amazing.

He couldn’t stop himself from moaning again, this time a name. “Zim…” His voice was ragged in his ears. He wanted to hear Zim say His name too.

There was movement on the screen as Zim shifted the weight onto his other foot. Bored, Zim’s gaze slowly moved across the ceiling until they made direct eye contact with Dib.

He spotted the camera.

Dib whimpered again, knowing that Zim couldn’t actually see him. But it really felt like the alien was looking right at him as his PAK legs extended, pushing Zim upward and closer to the camera. Dib couldn’t stop now, the knot was already building in his gut.

And god damn it, if he was gonna jerk off to Zim the least he could do was finish!

Zims face was right up at the camera now, his pupiless eyes gazing right at Dib.

“I know you’re watching me, filthy Dib.”

That did it.

Dib heard himself yell but could do nothing to stop it as his whole body contracted. His penis was fully swollen and bright red as it released onto his Mysterious Mysteries shirt. Dib continued to stroke himself all the way through it, even as the camera feed cut off.

Legs shaking, Dib just lay back in his chair for a good thirty seconds. Slowly, his senses returned and his face fell in horror. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurred slightly due to the glob of cum that was still clinging to the left lense.

Oh.

Oh god.

Post-nut clarity graced him, godless as it was. And OH GOD. Dib threw his glasses off, not bothering to clean them yet. He had to wallow in shame. His disgusting hands found their way into his hair, finally pushing the cowlick back as he felt more of his semen dry on his cheek.

Why Zim?

___________________________

Dib made a pointed effort to avoid Zim at every spot he knew the alien would be at school on Monday. Of course, he had Zim’s schedule memorized so it wasn’t hard to do until their shared history class. 

Dib waited until the last minute to enter the class. He also planned on being the first to leave. Unfortunately, he had to pass by Zim in order to get to his desk. Dib usually sat behind Zim and over one row so as to keep an optimal eye on the enemy. Today, he just wanted his eyes anywhere else.

Zim made himself known when Dib tried to get to his spot.

“I’ll have you know that I had GIR find every last one of your little spy cameras over the weekend.” He hissed at Dib.

Well that was months of work down the drain, planting all of those. All for a nut. Dib couldn’t look at Zim at all, worried something in his expression might betray him. Dib wasn’t the best at keeping his thoughts to himself after all. There was a blush already invading his cheeks at this conversation alone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dib choked out, staring at his feet as he awkwardly sat in his desk.

“They’re all destroyed now. Just so you know.” Zim continued to mock, knowing they were expensive by Dib’s standards.

“That’s great, Zim.” Dib said, suddenly very interested in a particularly deep cut on the wood of the desk in front of him.

Zim jutted his lower jaw forward in irritation, some of his sharp teeth poking out. Dib glanced up, still feeling Zims gaze on him. The thought of how badly Dib had wanted those same teeth to bite him at the neck… Dib shivered and tore his gaze back down to the very interesting desk. If he dropped dead right here, that would be just fine. Instead, he just swallowed hard.

“Next time I find more of those cameras in my base I’ll make sure to incinerate your face too.”

“Sounds good.” 

This seemed to make Zim lose interest for the time being. They didn’t talk at all for the rest of the period, and Dib took off as soon as the bell rang. Zim didn’t try to follow.

At least it was lunch, then Dib only had two more classes before he could leave early. Thank god for free periods.

Sitting next to Gaz with a sigh, Dib buried his hands in his hair. She was busy plugging away at some game on her GameSlave. Maybe he could make it through today just fine.

“So I heard you’re even more of a pervert than I thought.” Gaz said bluntly.

Dib thought he felt his heart fall out of his butt. Did she hear him in his room Friday night? Oh god, how much did she know?

“... What do you mean?” He dared to ask, hoping against everything it was about something else. Maybe there was a rumor about him Dib didn’t know about.

“Zim told me you were spying on him doing his laundry the other day.” It was delivered just as flatly, her attention still on the game.

Dib visibly relaxed. Ok, so she only kind of knew, and not even the bad part. Dib could live with that since Gaz was well aware of his spying habits anyway. “Yeah, haha. You know me…”

“Oh, ok. So you totally beat off to it then.”

Dib choked on his own spit, coughing wildly. Gaz didn’t even blink and continued to punch in combos on the device in her hands. “You might want to invest in sound-proofing your room, by the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Zim actually was just doing the laundry. He doesn't wash it in water, so the scanner thing is like vaporizing any germs off the tunic thingy lol


End file.
